Stepping Into Our Power with Ira Briones: Queer Asian Identities & Mental Health

EntrepreneurshipLGBTQ+ PrideNonbinaryPTSDDepressionRelationships
Written By Vanessa Shiliwala

Podcast Season 2 Episode 1

Happy Pride Month! Vanessa talks to special guest Ira Briones (they/them), a Filipinx business empowerment and energy coach based in New York City.  Ira shares their multifaceted journey as a queer nonbinary immigrant leader and activist, their healing journey with PTSD, depression, and anxiety, and how they help marginalized entrepreneurs overcome limiting beliefs to step into their power.  We process the collective racial trauma of Anti-Asian hate crimes, and discuss how safety gives us the freedom to take up more space in the world - for queer, transgender, nonbinary and gender nonconforming people, and across the API diaspora.  Plus: the best Filipino food in NYC, the irritating yet lovable traits of Asian parents that we inevitably inherit, and the best LGBTQ+ resources for queer/questioning individuals, family members, and allies.

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About Ira Briones:

Ira (they/them) is a Filipinx immigrant space-holder, spiritual channel, and co-creator of experiences whose work centers historically marginalized communities. Through coaching + energy healing, community building, and high-integrity vision-driven entrepreneurship, Ira’s intention is to support people in accessing their inherent power and transcending conditioned limits, which stems from a belief in a compassion- and abundance-based path to creating more justice and equity in the world.

Ira is an ICF-certified business energy coach, sound worker, Reiki practitioner, and ThetaHealing® practitioner and teacher. Aside from their own practice, Ira also currently serves as a mentor in the Institute for Coaching Mastery.

Prior to moving to New York from Manila, Ira held Learning and Business Intelligence roles in the private sector, including Chevrolet and IBM, before shifting to community and nonprofit work nationally and in the Asia-Pacific region, including projects with United Nations agencies, the World Health Organization, and The Global Fund. You can find Ira on Instagram @mx.irabriones.


Follow us on Instagram @thrivespice for mental health tips and resources, or https://www.thrivespicemedia.com for Mental Health Workshops and Speaker/Event inquiries.  

Podcast Episode Music from Uppbeat | Mountaineer - Refresh | Hartzmann - Paradise Island | RA - Summer with You

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Full Interview: Ira Briones & Vanessa Shiliwala | Thrive Spice Podcast

Vanessa Shiliwala: Welcome to Thrive Spice, a podcast centered on the Asian American experience of navigating career, family, mental health, and social empowerment. I'm your host, Vanessa Tsang Shiliwala. Our guest today on Thrive Spice is Ira Briones. They are a Filipinx immigrant, space holder, spiritual channel, and co-creator of experiences whose work centers historically marginalized communities through coaching and energy healing, community building, and high integrity vision-driven entrepreneurship. Ira's intention is to support people in accessing their inherent power and transcending conditioned limits to create more justice and equity in the world. Ira is an ICF certified business energy coach sound worker, Reiki practitioner, and theta healing practitioner and teacher. Prior to moving to New York from Manila, Ira held learning and business intelligence roles in the private sector, including Chevrolet and IBM, before shifting to community and non-profit work nationally and in the Asia Pacific region, including projects with the United Nations agencies, the World Health Organization and the Global Fund.

We talk about Ira's journey of cultivating pride in their intersectional identities, navigating their mental health journey through PTSD and depression and how we're coping with the rise in anti-Asian violence and hate crimes.

We also talk about what's bringing us hope, joy and laughter during these times, from Filipino food to the ways we inevitably become our parents in one way or another.

 So welcome Ira to thrive spice. We're so excited to have you on here with us today to hear a little bit more about your journey and get to know more about you. I want to hear about your personal journey of healing, acceptance, and celebration. You are a proud queer nonbinary Filipinx immigrant, whoo! Business energy coach, healer, and teacher.

Because we talk about some, you know, heavy topics I like to try and rediscover some joy, um, with like a lightning round and talk about Asian joy. What's bringing you joy, all kinds of joy.

Ira Briones: Mmmn, yeah. First of all, thank you for having me. It's yeah, you, you created such a safe and beautiful space, like from, from the very beginning, and I'm so happy to be here, to be chatting with you and exploring all of these important conversations with you.

Vanessa Shiliwala: So let's start with who is your favorite or most inspiring a nonbinary trans or gender nonconforming, elder celebrity, or influencer?

Ira Briones: Uh, it kind of changes, but right now, Angelica Ross.

Mmmmn. Any particular reason why?

I have just recently discovered her work around Trans Tech Social. It's an organization that she helped found, and it's just really changing the lives of the trans and non binary and gender nonconforming folks.

And I just really admire the community she's built and the resources that she helped set up for the community. And I feel like a lot of people know her as an actress, but don't really talk about this, this part of her work. And I'm so inspired by her.

Vanessa Shiliwala: Oh, I will definitely have to share that in the show notes.

I'm always up for some reading. What is your favorite food or place to eat in New York City?

Ira Briones: Uh, so many, but, um, I feel called to highlight Purple Yam in Brooklyn. It's so Filipino food, some other, um, Asian fusion, a little bit more modern, but so good. So good.

Vanessa Shiliwala: That sounds really yummy. Any like favorite dish that you have from there?

Ira Briones: I have a sweet tooth and I love their dessert there. Um, some Parado, which is a chocolate rice porridge, and they have coffee, ice cream on top of it.

Vanessa Shiliwala: Oh my God. I'm drooling. It sounds amazing. My theory is that eventually we all become our parents in one way or another. Um, I'm definitely guilty of that.

Um,

what's one thing your mother or your ancestors or family members did that you swore you never would do, but you find yourself doing all the time now?

Ira Briones: Oh, God. Um, um, I'm not sure this is just very Filipino or you might be able to relate to this, but when I was young and something would happen to me, I would hurt myself.

Like their way of responding to that instead of comforting me would be sarcasm. And I find myself doing that sometimes with my cats.

It just came out of my mouth, it's just such a... Very Filipino parents thing to say, like when they're walking on the stove and they kind of, "Oh, it's too hot!" And like, "That's hot. Isn't it?" That's all.

Vanessa Shiliwala: I told you!

Oh my gosh. Yes. It's really funny, how I think like, deep, buried in the recesses of our brain, are all these things that our parents said to us when we were kids.

And then it just comes out, whether you're a cat parent or human parent, or a plant parent, like it comes out. I totally get that. Um, mine is worrying. I saw my mom worrying a lot when I was a kid and I was like, oh my gosh, I don't know why she's worrying all the time. Now with two daughters, I'm like, I get it. I'm worried all the time.

What are some of the biggest challenges or misconceptions both internally and externally, you've had to navigate in your coming out experience as well as in your daily lived experience.

Ira Briones: So about any particular challenges coming out, I feel like, so I came out first as bisexual and then queer, and so that's for most of my activism years in the Philippines. That's how I identified. And it's only when I moved here to New York that I came out as trans and nonbinary. And so that was something that I feel like I had to navigate more carefully since like at home, for example, I didn't, and I still don't feel like my mom is ready for like, the layers of understanding required for for that kind of, um, gender expansive concepts. So one of the things that I navigate, especially as a coach and healer and in that space, a lot of it is very, um, a lot of folks that are there are female identified often white, and there's just a lot of conversation around sisterhood and just the assumptions that folks who are in that space are women-identifying. And yeah, that has come up for me as one of the challenges, because I know that these people are also wanting community and just wanting that connection, that sisterly connection.

And I understand that like women are also historically marginalized. But it is difficult to exists in spaces where you have to constantly remind people of who you are and how you identify or, yeah, just being yourself in that way.

Vanessa Shiliwala: Right. Does that ever get. ..tiring? I imagine, you know, having to kind of re-explain yourself because you've been in a lot of different spaces. You know, you came from the Philippines and you moved to New York during the pandemic, pretty much.

You got married. And congratulations by the way. I would love to hear a bit more about, you know, what is it like to navigate those spaces? And is there a way you've been able to kind of cultivate - whether it's like boundaries, or just a way of kind of, protecting yourself or finding healing with your community, or finding ways to navigate that sisterhood when it's not centered on Asian women or Asian gender non-conforming people like yourself?

Ira Briones: Um, yeah, I feel like in the beginning it was more difficult for me. Because I was also then still at the beginning stages of my own journey and it feels like those things were also coming up for a reason. It feels like those things are coming up, because parts of me are ready to heal from the challenges that are underneath those.

And so it's just making that choice to really face them head-on and really look at like, what's really hurtful underneath here? What are things within my control? How can I use this to expand me and to grow, instead of making me shrink and contract? And not access the resources that I know I would want to access, just because I feel isolated.

And when I have taken the time to be supported as well and healing those and in really going deep into that journey, I'm feeling more and more confident just to standing in my truth and then just like bringing it up. When there are moments of- there are opportunities to bring attention to it, but I don't take it as personally anymore.

It's more like when there are conversations, I do bring it up when I, when they have space for it, but it doesn't feel as challenging or as contracting for me anymore.

Vanessa Shiliwala: I really appreciate the way you described kind of lifting things up. And it's kind of this interior work that, that we do when we're going through these kinds of like transitions or identity framing, and then also reaching out to ask for help and be supported. It's been said that, you know, when one person comes out, it's not just them coming out. It's the entire family coming out. And so I think there's a lot of that process where it's kind of lifting the hood up to look: okay, what's going on here? It's a lot of introspection, which can be scary for a lot of people, right?

That's the stuff that we don't want to do. We don't want to spend our lives doing that. It's scary. It's a lot of work, but it's also such important work. And then the other stigma to overcome is, you know, really asking to be supported and opening ourselves up to be supported. Was there a particular resource or community or support system that you really felt helped you through this journey? Especially when it came to, you know, you mentioned your mother, you know, that might still be something that you're working on, but is there something that comes to mind that really helps you through that?

Ira Briones: Mmmn, of course there's a core group of people who are my chosen family. For me, that's always been there. My spouse has been such an amazing support and just helping me navigate like my resources for healing, whether encouraging me to see a therapist or really supporting me and my energy healing journey, taking those classes and learning all these modalities.

But one of the bigger things really that I really am so grateful for when I moved here to the U.S., is finding the queer and trans Asian community here in New York. So I found some organizations that organize communities specifically around our backgrounds. And that has really provided me a safe space for me to come out of my shell,

in a sense of being an immigrant. I think for the first year, even if I came from a community organizing background in the Philippines and some, some community trauma attached to that, when I moved here, I was deliberately holding myself back from being in any leadership position and being seen, and things that are bringing more attention to me and my work. But just being in these spaces and just being seen and accepted and loved a particular way by community. And they work a lot too with Asian moms who support their queer and trans kids, which was so... it was just mind blowing for me. Because I know I've heard of them when I was in the Philippines, but I've never seen them in action, really lobbying for resources.

And yeah, this was just so powerful and magical. And just being in that space kind of made me feel safe enough to step back into leadership, to step back into the work that I really wanted to do in the world.

Vanessa Shiliwala: Oh, I am so happy and inspired to hear that! I think providing that psychological safety and seeing that behavior modeled, like there's this temptation to, you know, fall into this narrative that oh, Asian parents are not supportive of this. And this is not allowed in our culture and that sort of thing. And it's really inspiring and encouraging to see that that is not true. And that there are people who are kind of leading the way to show that there can be a way to support and advocate for resources. And the part that resonated with me when you were speaking about this challenge of, we don't sometimes even see ourselves as leaders first. Before we try to become, you know, who we're becoming, whatever that may be. And I find that this is like a common theme of a lot of leaders that I speak to within the Asian diaspora, where we didn't even allow ourselves to see ourselves as leaders. And there's something really powerful about when we're able to break through and actually realize and validate that: Actually, yes, I am here. I have a voice. I have amazing leadership capabilities. They may look different or sound different than what I've seen out there, but it's simply because I didn't see it out there. And I didn't know. And I think that the value of community is that sometimes they can be a mirror for parts of you that you didn't even know you had.

So it's really inspiring to see that that really served to help you kind of recognize that leadership quality in yourself.

Ira Briones: Thank you. Yeah, I do notice that as well in our communities. And for my specific journey around it, it was kind of like a roller coaster, because I feel like when I began, like as a kid, I started exploring those leadership tendencies. And then things happen, and then you step back into it, and then some trauma comes in, and then you doubt yourself. So it totally, the community support is so invaluable for just getting through that.

Vanessa Shiliwala: That's incredible. I'm also curious to hear more about, you said that you've experienced PTSD and depression. What was it like to go through that? And how did you even identify what was happening to you?

Because I find that that awareness is actually a really tough part for people.

Ira Briones: Yeah, totally. I feel like I've lived with those conditions for the longest time and have not been able to name them. We've not been able to even kind of hold up a mirror to myself to really see what was going on. And it was just coming out, um, as toxicity in my relationship then with my spouse.

So my spouse and I have been together for 12 years this year. And so the earlier parts of our relationship was really chaotic, and my spouse was actually the one who brought it to my attention. Because it's coming out in the relationship, the dynamics was really toxic and chaotic. And I'm so grateful that instead of, you know, giving up on our relationship, they were like, maybe, do you want to see a professional? Or they really pointed me towards that direction.

And it felt like a shock for me, but it felt - it resonated so much. Like when I heard those words, that encouragement, that was like, it sounds like it's something that I have to do, but it was so scary. At that time I was already doing a lot of activism work in being queer. And I was, it was much easier for me to feel proud even in a conservative country of being queer.

But it felt so shameful for me to come to terms with the fact that I have mental health conditions That I have, I was having these experiences. And my experience trying to find a therapist that's a good fit, back in the Philippines, didn't turn out so well. And so when I moved here to the U.S., that was the last thing that I wanted to do.

I was like, I don't want to go through that. Just that whole ordeal of finding a good fit of a therapist. And it was through some practical circumstances that I was forced into actually getting help. Because I was finishing my thesis, and like the mental health issues were just getting stronger and stronger and I needed to extend in school.

And so I needed documentation to provide the school for me to extend that for my requirements. And that's thankfully when I found a therapist that I'm just so grateful for. He's one of the models of what a healthy relationship would look like for me, even when we ended our time together.

And that's when I went deeper in my understanding of what was going on for me, this is back in the Philippines. I was just like, oh, I'm depressed. And I have anxiety. This, all these things that I experienced, but I couldn't make sense of it. It just felt like depression was something that would come to me and I won't be able to do anything about it.

And I just have to wait for it to leave me. But it's just something that has power over me that I have no, no control over. But with this therapist that I found here in the U.S., he was able to support me and understand me: Okay, this is what PTSD is. This is what happened to you. This is how you're coping.

And it made me feel like there's hope again, in terms of me being in that space of power and control over my life and my experiences. And so that's what has really made a difference for me.

Vanessa Shiliwala: Wow. And thank you for being so open and sharing your journey about seeking help. I think it's really interesting how there are these systems built to facilitate pride in being queer. But you know, is there a system of pride in having a mental health issue? I guess that remains to be seen. I think that there's definitely an opportunity there to kind of reclaim that space. Because so many of us suffer from a lot of these issues that are way more common than we think. And I think that there is power in being able to name what you're experiencing, and understand where it's coming from.

It's not just some kind of affliction that is making you like messed up or, you know, something's wrong with you. And I think just the deafening silence around this topic in Asian households, at least from what I've heard and from what I've experienced growing up. There's just wasn't the language to talk about this. There wasn't "intergenerational trauma." There wasn't "toxic relationships." There wasn't, um, even depression and anxiety and therapists. Those were all like bad words. They weren't really utilized in the way we grew up. And so we're kind of all educating ourselves now as grownups, as I like to say with my kids, everyone's a grownup now.

But yeah, I think it's really brave of you to share that journey. And I think to your point, it's really important to find a therapist who can, or a mental health professional can really help guide you along that journey. You know, it's funny, I've also been with my partner for 12 years and we also got married in 2015.

So I think that, we got married like right after you know, SCOTUS made equal marriage official. And so it was this landmark historic moment. And so it was very exciting, but...

I think the pandemic in particular has been really tough on a lot of relationships. And certainly my partner always is the one to notice if I'm beginning to, you know, spiral, whether it's into this like anxious state or feeling depressed or any of that stuff, like.

He's always the first one to see it. So I think it's really wonderful that your partner encouraged you to seek help. I think that's the most loving thing you can do for someone when we're struggling with a mental health issue. And it just helps remove that shame and just allows for that space to, you know, to heal because otherwise, I think

the deafening roar of like sitting in silence with something that you're suffering with is, is just so tough. If you could go back in time to when you were struggling with these mental health challenges, what would you tell your inner child at that moment?

Ira Briones: I would probably start by telling them that there's nothing to be ashamed about. It doesn't mean that they're weak, or that there's something wrong with them, or that they're a bad person. And that it does get easier. That there is an other side to look forward to as we go forward in that journey.

I love that message. I think it's so clear and something that. I, you know, I have toddlers and I feel like it's relevant. Even as young as the age of 2, 3, 4, like children recognize emotions and they internalize a lot of messaging, even if we don't say things out loud. So,

Vanessa Shiliwala: um,

I always tell all my kids, like it's okay to be sad.

It's okay to feel angry. We use words to say how we feel. And it's not easy because a lot of times they're like crying and, or, you know, melting down or throwing tantrums. But I feel like. In kind of educating myself on how to talk to my children. I've also realized a lot of these strategies also work with adults, you know, validating someone's feelings, doing active listening, repeating back to them, what you heard and just giving them that safe space to be who they are, even if that person that they are right

in that moment is not perfect. And that's something that I really hope to create for, for everyone because when we can be our true selves, that's when we find freedom. Um, that's when we find community. So thank you for sharing that. That was really beautiful. What encourages you to not only prioritize mental health for yourself, but to coach others who are also looking for guidance in their journey?

Ira Briones: For me, it just was a natural unfolding of the journey that I didn't expect. So initially I was studying all these modalities, mostly for myself, right towards the end of that really pivotal, um, therapy relationship. I just found energy healing and I was just at a space where I was like, oh, I, I know I can support myself in a different way from here that there's a different kind of healing path for me from here. And I'm ready to close that, that chapter of the healing journey. And so I really thought I was just doing it for myself. And right about before the pandemic started, I just started feeling more and more called to do it more as a, as a career path as well to step into it professionally as well.

And. Part of my motivation is the seeing how powerful the work was for me. And also I see how it kind of ties back to my work around when I was still doing nonprofit and community organizing work and just that general theme of empowerment. And for me, it's just this piece that I realized now was missing from my previous work. Because working in the nonprofit sphere especially in the Philippines, we receive a lot of aid from the international community.

And while that's very important in getting us to a place of certain level of security and stability, and just in a space where we feel safe and secure enough to be able to build and move forward and things like that. It often stops there. And so I was really inspired by experiencing and also seeing how the deeper work around healing and coaching really empowers people in a certain way that, that the empowerment is really coming from within. And I find that to be a more sustainable and more, I guess for lack of a better term, scalable way of really experiencing that growth and stepping into that power without constantly being dependent on support from government or international agencies and things like that.

Which is also part of why I focused on working with entrepreneurs because I feel like entrepreneurship is really designed to build those resources and create those networks. And I already know the power of this work on an individual level. And I can just imagine that in the context of entrepreneurship, there's so much possibility and potential for it to really ripple out into our communities or for deeper impact and empowerment.

Vanessa Shiliwala: I love how you brought up sustainability and scalability, because I think to your point about traditional aid and humanitarian and non-profit work a lot of it's focused on, you know, quite literally rebuilding communities or disaster relief, all of this stuff. And while the. Absolutely value in that kind of work.

I think the kind of deep work that you're speaking about where it's really building a sustainable source of empowerment inside an individual has so much power. And I think it doesn't get talked about enough where it is scalable, even if it's just one person. That person can turn around and touch 10 more people. And those people can touch 10 more.

So I really think that. That's kind of the undersold quality of healing when it comes to, you know, individuals and really working on that in a real way. As a business energy coach for these marginalized entrepreneurs, what have you observed in terms of a limiting belief or a narrative that people get stuck on?

What do you think holds them back from finding that healing and alignment and that deeper level of empowerment?

Ira Briones: One of the bigger themes I really notice is the theme of struggle. And that's something I have observed and also experienced for myself. Just this belief, that things have to be hard, like in whatever context that, that might be.

Like it has to be hard for me to deserve it. Or, it has to be hard for things to be worth it. It has to be hard for it to be meaningful. Which shows up in so many different ways. And I feel like that's something that has served our communities for generations, right? Our, our parents, our grandparents went through all of these hardships and that's why we've survived to this day and have the resources that we have today in our families and in our communities. But I feel like that can only get us so far. And if other communities who have not been subjected to histories of marginalization are able to access a significant level of ease and still be successful, and still build wealth.

And still step into the lives that they're desiring to create. Why can't that be as accessible for us as well? And so, yeah, I feel like that's a very important reframe that is also a big part of, of the work that I'm trying to do.

Vanessa Shiliwala: I, I hear that. And I think I can absolutely relate to that as well. I think as a, also as a child of immigrants, I know what that life of hardship is.

And it's almost like the, oh, it's comfortable because it's the only thing we know. Right. It's like just working hard and fighting for things and working harder than everyone else. And we've come to a point where it no longer serves us. And so I think I'm very intrigued in this idea of where can we find ease and alignment.

So that we're not just in this constant mode of fighting and pushing. I think that's something that I certainly struggle with on a day-to-day basis because you have this very. You know, American ideal of, you know, achieving the American dream. You work hard enough, you get it. And it's all about hustle and all of that stuff.

And it's really hard to kind of reconcile that with like, you know what I'm burning out. My mental health is suffering. I want to find more ease. What do you, you know, what's your perspective on that as a coach and healer?

Ira Briones: For me, it's like, a lot of these things that we tend to hold onto. As we mentioned earlier already, these are things that have served us in the past, but are kind of outdated in how they're showing up in our lives. Like they're, as you mentioned, they're not serving us anymore. They're causing all these other issues in our lives, holding us back in some way.

For me, what I find whenever there are these blocks whether it be struggle, or holding on to hardship, or something else, it's really about harvesting the lessons that are within them. It's really understanding, okay, why do I feel like I have to work hard? Why do I feel like things have to be hard for me?

What is the deeper desire in that? Then just really understanding that... Or giving ourselves the opportunity to get to know that deeper desire. Those underlying gifts and lessons. And reintegrating them back into our lives in a way that is more updated to to what really serves us now. Because I feel like as long as we're not clear about what gifts are to be harvested from those patterns, we'll keep on cycling and looping back into these patterns until we find the gift. And really, we define our relationship with, with that.

Vanessa Shiliwala: Yeah, I think that's so true. And I love that word that you used: harvesting. Because it really is this great visual of, it's, it's not easy necessarily to do this, but you get something out of it.

It's so worth it to do that work. You know I wanted to bring up, obviously you live in New York city, you know, that there's been a lot of recent events, Anti-Asian hate crimes, with Michelle Go, Christina Yuna Lee. And for a lot of us in the community you know, it, it's just triggering a lot of, I think, collective racial trauma and even PTSD.

I'm curious, just from a personal perspective, you know, how has it affected you and how are you finding healing during these really difficult moments?

Ira Briones: I feel like when these things happen, when these tragedies happen in our communities, you really feel it in some way, kind of... that collective grief. That really, I feel like, has been, I don't now, constantly, just with us and are kind of activated when new tragedies come out. And of course, there's this more personal level of concern of safety for yourself and for your loved ones, right?

That vigilance that kicks in when, when you realize how vulnerable we can be in terms of these situations. And yeah, I feel like there's really no, no, no easy response to it. I feel like it's just something that we go through together as communities and hold each other for and go through this collective healing for, and yeah, it doesn't feel like there are any clear resolutions or solutions that are coming up so far based on the conversations I'm seeing. But it does highlight the importance and the place of community in our lives, I guess, when these things happen, when these unfortunate things happen.

Vanessa Shiliwala: Absolutely. And thank you for sharing that. I also agree with you that it does affect me very personally, anytime some of these tragedies occur, to the point where I have to take breaks from social media or, you know, I can't sleep that well, and I'm crying and I'm upset.

 I also think that what's really helped is finding community and seeing that I'm not alone, and that people are organizing. They are getting together. They're demanding change. They're holding healing workshops. They're holding self-defense classes. There there's a lot going on. At the same time, I also feel like it's not just on the community to take care of us. This is everyone's problem. And that's kind of my message. And I hope to see more of that in community organizing and legislature where it's not just up to the Asian community to protect the Asian community. And I also think we, we need to figure out ways to facilitate more cross racial solidarity with other groups because... we're all becoming victims of the same crime, right? It's really hard. That being said, you know, I'm curious as someone who also has an intersectional identity where you're not just Asian, you're nonbinary. How can we center and amplify Asian and trans, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming folks in mental health, business, government, media, really the world?

Ira Briones: Yeah.

And I, I love how we transitioned into this conversation from the conversation around safety. Cause I feel like that is a big part of it when we're talking about having people be able to step into their power and their potential. And then really just allowing themselves to be big and visible. For me, I find and have observed that it has a lot to do with safety. And safety around feeling that you're going to be okay when you stop playing small, or when you let other people see you for what you can do.

And so for me, a big part of that, supporting certain marginalized folks, um, nonbinary, trans, and gender nonconforming people, would really be just creating that environment that is safe for us, regardless of whether we're right in front of you or not. Because I feel like a lot of times people would start getting into these conversations around bathrooms and pronouns and things like that when they have the trans person in the space. And I feel like it's important for us to be able to cultivate that safety, regardless of whether our communities are right in front of you or not, and just really allowing those spaces to grow so that more and more kinds of people are gonna really feel safe to, to take up more space in the world.

Vanessa Shiliwala: Yes. I love that.

And I think that having the safety to be free and walk around and live to our potential is something that we can all identify with and hope to continue to support that for the queer, trans and nonbinary community. Because it is really important that we all feel safe. One of these things that I think has been most troubling about the rise in anti-Asian hate is just this feeling of being unsafe and uprooted from our homes.

But I thank you for sharing that. I think it is so vital in these conversations and to your point, having the conversations, not just when these people are in that space, it's really just making the assumption, you know, there are queer folks, there are trans folks and they also have human needs that are similar to you and I and everyone else.

And so we shouldn't have to discuss them only if and when these situations come up. I'd like to kind of take a step back, and I always like to talk about Asian joy. What's bringing you joy, all kinds of joy.

 What is your Thrive Spice or mental health routine? That helps ground affirm and restore you?

Ira Briones: Mmmn, yeah.

Really getting present in my body. Stillness and questioning my beliefs.

Vanessa Shiliwala: Ooh, those are good. Those are really good. I think questioning and stillness are things that I find a lot of people have discomfort around, especially in America.

We don't like stillness. We don't like silence. That scares us. And questioning, I think is something that is so healthy and that we should all do from time to time, because I think questioning really - to use a word you used before, really harvests those seeds of truth for us. When something's not really aligning with us, I think questioning is really healthy.

So I, I love that. What was the last moment that brought you joy?

Ira Briones: Uh, just this right before our call, actually, I was posting some Instagram stories. And I encountered this new music it's called Bloom by The Paper Kites. And it was the first time I heard that music and it just resonated with me.

It's so tender and it just called out to me so much that I had just everything down and just listen to it then, you know, when you're just so into the music, allowing it to run through your body, just really feeling it. And it's just a very gentle, but very joyful sensation as I was listening to that. I was really indulging in that.

Vanessa Shiliwala: I love that. Yes. I think those kinds of immersive experiences are so healing and rare. And you used the best word, indulging. I think we all need to do a little bit more indulging in this world at this time.

Ira Briones: For sure.

Vanessa Shiliwala: Yes. Well, thank you so much, Ira I really enjoyed speaking with you and learning from your incredible journey. You have so many wonderful insights and it's really inspiring to hear how you are really creating the next generation of sustainable and scalable healing with marginalized entrepreneurs, queer and trans folks. This is such important work. So thank you so much for sharing your journey with us and your wisdom. And we wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Thank you so much. It's such an honor to be here. Thank you. Thank you. It's such a beautiful space you've created for us to explore all these topics.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Ira. Take care.

Take care.

Hey everyone. In honor of pride month, I wanted to share some resources that Ira was very kind to recommend to us just to help AAPIs who are queer or in the LGBTQIA community, or questioning, or anyone who's an ally or a family member, or someone who just wants to learn.

 So the first is API rainbow parents, a division of P flag, New York City. It provides information and support to Asian Pacific Islander API families with a family member who is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or questioning.

This group has a twice monthly lunchtime discussion group for AAPI parents and caregivers about their children who are part of the LGBTQ+ community. The second recommendation from Ira is this book called Two Spirits, One Heart. It's a book written by Marsha Aizumi, who is an AAPI author, and it is simply a book about love.

It's about the love of a mother who struggles in the beginning to understand what it means to be transgender, but decides to stand by her son. There's praise for the book from Dr. Jill Biden, which says Marsha Aizumi gives voice to the mix of emotions so many parents of LGBTQ kids live: love, fear, shame, pride, and acceptance.

But what makes Marsha special is that she lived her truth so publicly so that others might find community and peace. The final recommendation. And I share more on our Instagram @thrivespice is NQAPIA; NQAPIA. It's a pretty well-known organization. Ira has worked with them as well. It supports Asian trans and queer communities and their families all over the U.S. What I find really interesting is they have translated leaflets that you can download called coming out to API families, talking points for API LGBTQ youth. And it's developed in a partnership between NQAPIA and several parents.

So one sheet translated fact sheet for parents who have LGBTQ+ kids and it's multi-lingual. It answers basic questions about being LGBTQ and dispels common misperceptions. It's been translated into 25 different Asian languages and scripts, which is the largest number of languages ever translated from a single LGBTQ+ document.

Thanks for listening and happy pride month, everyone.

Vanessa Shiliwala
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